[Sat 2 Feb, 13:47]
PST (Gumly Gumly -17)
Typical Tourist who visits Cuba: - (16 replies)

1)NEO: First time in Cuba, decided to visit Cuba on a last minute basis, 20 - 40 years of age. Armed with Lonely Planet Guide and couple of suggestions from friends and thinks he already knows Cuba. He wears Ray-Ban Glasses and Dresses Dolce and Gabbana summer collection, from hat to Sandals.
They usually travel in groups always accompanied by Cuban Guide who will explain everything from Cigars to Girls. Returns home happy and thinks he conquered Planet Cuba, maybe in love with Yosmelis ( his little chica )
Brings home fake Cigars and brags to his friends on how much he paid. because his Cuban friend at the beach offered him a great discount.

2)MULTIPLE: 45 years of age, travels alone or in small group of the same species, with one thing in mind: to score and brag about it, twosomes threesomes, sex on the beach ( not the shot ! ), concubines, takes women's clothes with him, and cheap perfumes and cheap jewelry from dollar stores, he calls it instruments of seduction, 4 boxes of condoms, and of course Viagra. You can usually spot him on the plane, talking to everybody telling vulgar jokes and explaining how he had 3 girls crying at the airport.

3) POLITIC: very sinister looking. Can be easily identified at airports, neglected, dirty long hair. Black Plastic frame glasses.
Checks every inch of the island looking for old revolutionary photos and anything and everything about Che,. Rarely seen with a Jinetera, Prefers chatting with elders. Rarely seen at the beach. Morning at the Library, evening at the Revolutionary Museum, and reads Marti poems and thinks at night. The only thing he buys is the Che T-shirt to replace the old one, Black. On his return he is sad, and melancholic, sitting at the last seat of the plane.

4)THE HABITUAL: Easily recognized on the plane, talking to everybody, giving advises left to right, wearing a Cohiba T-shirt to show everybody that he has been to Cuba many times. Convinced, he knows everything about Cuba. Travels alone, Always pays in Pesos, ( not Convertible peso ) His best friends are Jineteros, they trust him. has a girlfriend who waits at the airport with a rented 56 Chevy, his choice or travel. Dreams of moving to Cuba soon. Brings everything, from Coffee filter to Canned tuna, and Mayo, ( Cuban Mayo is fattening ) he weighs 200lbs.

5)VETERAN: Thinks he is more Cuban than Che. Travels alone. Does not remember how many time he visited la Isla Grande. he is quiet on the plane, does not talk to anybody, hates why people visit his Island.
Never goes to tourist traps, Jineteros/as avoid him because he knows more that what they offer. Has small trusted circle of Cuban friends, mostly Doctors and Professors.Stretches the peso.Stays at the same Casa Particular, the owners cook for him. Has Granma subscription.

6)COUPLES: They travel in couples, big on organized tours, Catamaran cruises and Lobster lunches. They spend most f the time at the beach, She reads Tabloid papers while he checks the pretty Jineteras behinds, Plans to come back minus wifey.
Upon return, they buy all the imaginable trinkets that show ( Cuba ) ashtrays, statues, Maracas, to show of at their friends dinner parties. Of course he has to splurge on the 200.00 Cohiba from the Hotel duty free shop, salesgirl who sold the box was cute.


[Sat 2 Feb, 14:34]
PST (Gumly Gumly -17)
1. Very Funny, ACS!

Quite amusing, but you got one thing wrong: Yosmelis is *my* chica! She has sworn on a stack of Granmas that she would never go out with other Yumas and Tio Pepes when I am not in Cuba.


[Sat 2 Feb, 15:47]
PST (Gumly Gumly -17)
2. post

Great post !


[Sat 2 Feb, 16:34]
PST (Gumly Gumly -17)
3. Hilarious!

Very funny. I think you should continue and add at least another half dozen categories. (One suggestion: The Trolls who constantly post here as "experts" - yet have never traveled to Cuba, ever. Hello Gracie, Alipin, etc...)



[Sat 2 Feb, 16:36]
PST (Gumly Gumly -17)
4. PS...

...and Air Canada really does suck these days...


[Sat 2 Feb, 17:58]
PST (Gumly Gumly -17)
5. Air Canada

What's your point or were you just mouthing off ??????


[Sat 2 Feb, 18:16]
PST (Gumly Gumly -17)
6. sour grapes?

poster 5 sounds like an AC employee who's tired of having his corporate ass kicked by little old westjet. what's it like to be working for the number 2 airline (and falling rapidly) in canada now?

Wild Bill

[Sat 2 Feb, 20:40]
PST (Gumly Gumly -17)
7. GREAT post!!!

You got it!
You finally told me who buys those figurines at the markets.

One thing missing - there are a surprising number of Canadians working there now. Met a bunch working 2 months on/one month off - at power plants. Just like the guys who used to work in the arctic - hours long so they hardly know what country they are in ,while working.


[Sun 3 Feb, 04:46]
PST (Gumly Gumly -17)
8. i suppose that you are the veteran


Heart broken

[Sun 3 Feb, 08:07]
PST (Gumly Gumly -17)
9. Typical Tourist who visits Cuba:

This is very funny !!!!!!!!!!!!but you need more categories you forgot to mention all the amount of gay people that go to the Island as well !!!!!!! fall in love with one of the (male) dancers ........ comes back to Canada pay their cousin to get marry to the dancers and then bring the guy here and the dancer leaves him fo someone else !!!!!!!!!!


[Sun 3 Feb, 08:31]
PST (Gumly Gumly -17)
10. Typical Cuba TT wanker

Dear Sir,
where do you put the typical Cuba TT wanker like you who seems to know it all about typical tourists who visit Cuba?


[Sun 3 Feb, 22:28]
PST (Gumly Gumly -17)
11. FUNNNNY!!!!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha , you got it man, you're a genious!!!! I love you man....ha ha ha...ja ja ja ja. very funny.....I'm going to print this poster now!!! forgot to discribe me though...I'm Pepe "el pinguero"....ha ha ha ......ja ja ja.....

ay ay jimmy

[Sun 3 Feb, 23:03]
PST (Gumly Gumly -17)
12. funny thing is

i fell in love with yosmelis as well.
but why make love to a german tourist?
i must be a habitual for cuban godesses.
thanks for the 57 chevy idea.

when in cuba you have to play this song on the ghettoblaster by Led Zepplin called
"Hey Hey What Can I Do" while you are making love. hope she dosn't understand english.

Wanna tell you about the girl I love,
My she looks so fine.
She's the only one that I been dreaming of,
Maybe someday she will be all mine.
I wanna tell her that I love her so,
I thrill with her every touch.
I need to tell her she's the only one I really love.

I got a woman, wanna ball all day yeah.
I got a woman, she won't be true no.
I got a woman, stay drunk all the time.
I said I got a little woman and she won't be true.

At Sunday morning when we go down to church,
See the menfolk standing in line.
They say they come to pray to the lord,
But my little girl looks so fine.
In the evening when the sun is sinking low,
Everybody's with the one they love.
I walk the town,
Keep a-searching all around,
Looking for my street corner girl.

I got a woman, wanna ball all day yeah.
I got a woman, she won't be true no, no.
I got a woman, stay drunk all the time.
I said I got a little woman and she won't be true.

In the bars with the men who play guitars,
Singing, drinking, and remembering the times.
My little lover does a midnight shift,
She's followed around all the time.
I guess there's just one thing a-left for me to do,
Gonna pack my bags and move on my way.
Cause I got a worried mind,
Sharing what I thought was mine.
Gonna leave her where the guitars play.

I got a woman, she won't be true no, no.
I got a woman, wanna ball all day yeah, yeah.
I got a woman, stay drunk all the time.
I got a little woman and she won't be true.

I said she won't be true - no
yeah no yeah no yeah no
oh,woe,what can say,
hey,hey,what can i do ( repeated ).

Can't wait to see her again if shes not too buzy.


[Mon 4 Feb, 19:32]
PST (Gumly Gumly -17)
13. Typical TT Know-it-all

Che wasn't Cuban.


[Tue 5 Feb, 09:27]
PST (Gumly Gumly -17)
14. hilarious

I just spit on my monitor, I laughed so hard.


[Tue 5 Feb, 11:45]
PST (Gumly Gumly -17)
15. pretty good, looks like most bases are cover

I think you should keep up the good work


[Tue 5 Feb, 14:26]
PST (Gumly Gumly -17)
16. Tourista

Hey Guys,

Thank you, I am glad you guys enjoyed, I think we need more categories, any suggestions ????

It should be fun, just add more categories below or start a new thread,


Air Canada still sucks.

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